52 days

Our journey has had so many ups and downs. So many trials, so many successes. Our journey is still continuing, and we are still experiencing those ups and downs and heart breaking trials. It will probably never be over.

52 days.

52 days is how long I had with my sweet baby Ben. He spent most of that in NICU, but we had some beautiful, precious times at home as a family. The Lord was faithful, and He gave us that time together. My husband, Ben, is an amazing father. He knew exactly what to do when I questioned my ability. We grew as a close-knit family, including our fur baby, Heidi, who absolutely adored her baby brother.

But 52 days. That's not long enough. That's not enough days at all. We just didn't, in my small opinion, have enough time. However, I will cherish each second of those 52 days for the rest of my life.

But let me explain something to you...

In baby Ben's 52 days, he reached people. He reached their hearts, and he touched their lives. Think about your past 52 days... What have you done to make a difference? I'll be super honest... The past 52 days I have cried, I have shouted prayers to my Lord, I have written in my journal, I have hidden from the world, and I have been incredibly broken.

Yes, I have my days where I get up and decide to choose joy and I accomplish things, small victories, but mostly I have just been here, just existing. And I can't help that.

My husband and I have been seeing an amazing counselor to help us through this tragic grieving process. I have seen doctors and I have been closely watched. I have depression, whether that be post partum depression or "regular" depression. I have ignored it for quite some time, but I am finally on the path that I need to be on for healing. For almost a year I cried out in my raspy, shaky voice, for Jehovah Rapha to heal my son. Now I am doing the same thing, but I'm asking Him to heal me.

I don't feel like myself, I'm not myself. I want to be, I try to be, but I just can't be. I'm praying that the medical professionals can help me fix it, but let's be real, I'm mostly relying on Jehovah Rapha to heal me.

I have to believe with all of my heart that I'm experiencing this for a reason. Our resurrected King has a plan for me, for my family. I have to believe that we are not forgotten. Yes, the funeral month passed. Yes, people lifted us in their prayers, people got down on their knees for us, and I am eternally grateful for that. But please understand that we still desperately need and covet your prayers.

I wish I could say that in the past 52 days I did as much good as my baby did, but I cant, and I haven't. And that is eye opening. I have decided to do the very best I can to encourage people and help others just as my sweet baby boy did. I know that Ben would be proud of us if we would be strong, faithful believers. That we cling to that Anchor and we change lives.

Hope has a name. Joy has a name. And that name is Jesus Christ. If you, in whatever your situation may be, are claiming hope or searching for happiness, and you are trying to do it alone, then God bless you. I don't know how you do it.

As I've written before: He is the one that picks me up when I'm sobbing on the floor. He's the one that somehow brings a spark of joy to my heart when I am utterly depressed. He has that incredible power to comfort us, care for us, and heal us. Only He can provide that. He's the one that walks with us through the toughest times and hears our hearts.

I believe that baby Ben understood this, somehow, in his tiny baby brain. I know that he reached more people in his 52 days than I have in my 28 years. But I'm ready now. I'm ready to continue the legacy Benjamin Michael started. I'm ready to start changing lives. Are you?

So I am proposing a challenge to you, friends. For the next 52 days, make the choice to make a difference. Make the choice to reach people. Make the choice to trust Him in your darkest moments. Make the choice to choose joy. And make the choice to celebrate those victories, no matter how small. Let's do it together. Let's celebrate together the difference that we are making. It can be anything from "Today I put on pants" to the greatest feat you can imagine. Each and every single victory should be celebrated. Let's encourage one another, in honor of my baby Ben, to make a difference in this world.

Comment on the blog, comment on facebook, use the hashtag, share how you're choosing to make a difference. Let's celebrate together each other's victories. Let's encourage one another. Let's band together as people, as believers, and let's do this.

52 days. Just shy of 2 months. See what you can do in 52 small days. 52 days brings us to  July 17th. How big of an impact can you make, how can you change the world by then? Let's do this together. I know you can do it. I know WE can do it.  I know you can make a difference. Let's make a difference together.

#babyben52daychallenge

We can do this. I believe in you.

"So be truly glad. There is wonderful JOY ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while." 1 Peter 1:6

Choose Joy,
Allison

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